I'm still here, are you?!

Hello.

I missed you.

Let's not stay apart for this long again. 

Um, it's Stacie.

No, not Tracy, Stacie.

Don't worry, I get that all the time.

My fault, anyway.  I've never spent this much time away from the blog.  Not when I was so stressed I nearly threw my parents' printer into their pool while trying to print wedding RSVP cards, or when I had the oh-so-hectic schedule of work, work, work, quick dinner, memorize lines, rehearsal, felt during rehearsal, drive home, fall into bed.  I always managed to have a story to tell, or had a story I wanted to tell.

But I was also happy then.

Now I'm just....blah.

At church on Sunday I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a few months.  Our quick let's-catch-up-in-the-10-minutes-before-the-next-service-starts conversation made me chuckle in a laugh-so-I-don't-cry kinda way.

It went a little somethin' like this:

"Hey! How are you?!"

"Oh fine, and you?"

"Good, good..."

(small talk)

"....did you hear we got a puppy?"

"Oh!  But you still have Oliver, right?"

"Well, no.  We had to put him down in January."

"Oh no I'm so sorry!"

"Yeah, he got sick...."

(small talk)

"So how's your mom?"

"Well...."

"Oh that's right, I heard her father died."

"In February, yeah...."

(small talk)

"...and at least my mom has some company, with (sister) and (bro-in-law) living with her."

"What?  I thought they lived up north?"

"Well, in December (bro-in-law, sheriff's deputy) had to shoot and kill someone so now they're staying with my mom while he fights debilitating anxiety...."

...

We only had a few minutes to talk so that's as far as we got.  Plus I think there's this thing in the Bible about not complaining, so....

It's just not happy-time here on the farm, is what I'm tryin' to say. 

I'm sad for my losses and for my sisters' struggles.  I wish that my family didn't have to move halfway across the country leaving me all alone here.  I'm ready for something to go right so that I can see a light at the end of this very dark tunnel...I know it's there but my faith is wearing thin.

Or as I told my mom, maybe the sun just needs to come out so I can get some vitamin D already!

Not that long ago I saw a co-worker go through a similar year where one thing after another just went wrong.  I felt bad for her and thought she had the worst luck in the world.  But then things started to not go wrong, and eventually life evened out and I saw that it wasn't a case of bad luck that she was going through but one of those "seasons" big kids were always are talking about.

Seasons.  So mature sounding.  Short for "that time I wanted to hibernate for six months."

Another big-girl lesson learned:

1) Sometimes things just go wrong for awhile.

Also:

2) Girl scout cookies make you fat.

So, boo.  All I can do just hang in there....

...and freak out.

Just kidding.  I'm just going to wait.