Monday, January 28, 2013

Happy Birthday Katie-whats-her-face!

Here's something funny: today is my younger sister's birthday!

Wait for it, that's not actually the funny part...

She was born when I was four and we spent the next fourteen years under the same roof.  We've moved across the country together and because our family is insanely close, we've been around each other all. the. time. all. these. years. We know the kinds of things about each other only a sister would know....

....except for how to spell her middle name.

Yeesh, Stace.

Guilty as charged.  For the life of me I cannot spell it.

And I can't even pin this on my parents for giving her some wacky family name that's been passed down for some thirteen thousand years with, like, Js and Zs and Qs.  It's Nicole for crying out loud but spelled with an H and maybe the E but I'm not quite sure.

We laugh about it.

I think we do....right Katie??

Anyway, Happy Birthday sis!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Rod Stewart and candy heart distractions

My dog died yesterday.

Whoa, way to just jump right into it, Stace.

If you follow me and/or Corey on Facebook you got the play-by-play over the weekend.  It wasn't a horrific, painful thing.  Just sad.  And quick.

If you don't follow me and/or Corey those are probably the only deets you'll get because re-living the whole thing makes me curl up into a little ball of crocodile tears and snot and a lot of ugly.  Really ugly.  And right now there are a few puddles of water under my desk from the snow I tracked in so it's just not a good time to get all up under there, plus I already lost, like, four pounds from crying all day yesterday.

It was water weight.

So in an effort to 1) not talk about it and 2) distract myself, I'm going on a random streak.

Be warned, I have no idea where this is going:

There is a chair in the bathroom at my office.  I'm tempted to just have a seat and wait for someone to walk in and carry on as if we're both there to chat about our days.

My breakfast these days is a chocolate protein shake.  I take my shake into the shower with me.

I wanted to get bangs again, but I'm afraid that if I do it now everyone will think I'm on a Michelle Obama bandwagon.  Not that I'm against that, I just like to march to the beat of my own drummer.

With that said, I would hate to be a "groupie" of anything.  Corey's co-worker looks exactly like Rod Stewart and while we were together at the track a few summers ago I thought, "ohmigosh people are staring, they think we're latch-ons!!"  Did not like the feeling.  What I did like: using that fake fame to get right into a busy restaurant later on.

I don't eat potato chips.  But sometimes I do, and those times I'm like, "uggghhh why am I eating these, I don't even like potato chips."  And then ten minutes later I'm like, "ugggghhh why am I STILL eating these?"  And not long after that I'm like, "uggghhhh I just finished that bag and now I have a stomach ache!"

That just happened.

I don't write about potty humor here even though I'm like a 12-year-old and find it extremely amusing.  My thoughts on this: if I want people to take me semi-seriously as a business lady I should act a tad professional in my blog posts.  I mean, I'm still 100% honest in my (very few) posts, I just leave out the gas.

Even though I really want to tell you about the one night I was startled awake by a fart.  It wasn't mine.  Living with a boy has been interesting, and kinda smelly.

I have four mini holes in the shirt I'm wearing today.  It's only after I've been at work for a few hours that, oh yeah, this is the shirt that has all those dang holes in it!

Speaking of swearing, I kinda gave up on my New Year's resolutions.  You know, because I was looking for this year to be better than the last two and what with my dog dying I figured that puts a check in the lose column for 2013.  Geez Louise.

But I'm not talking about that.

Still fighting a potato chip ache.  But on top of the chips is now a milk chocolate/caramel heart my co-worker brought in for me.  It'll be a long day of digesting.

Do you watch The Bachelor?  Doesn't Tierra look/act just a tad (sarcasm italics) like someone else we grew to loathe?  *coughCourtneycough*  And I am disappointed in Kacie B.  Girlfriend was my favorite in Ben's season and now?  Oh Kacie B.

Don't watch The Bachelor?  Please disregard the above.  But you should watch so we have something to talk about.

That's about it for now.  I'm fixin' to have me a breakdown thinking about going home to an apartment with no wagging tail.

You don't want to be around for it.

Thanks for the distraction, friends!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Swearing in the New Year!

Happy New Year!!

Let all acquaintance be forgot...

Wait, wha...?

Oh, we're over New Year?

....we've been over it for a week now?

I guess that means I'm right on cue.

This girl is what we would call a late-bandwagon-jumper-on-er.  I mean, if that were a real thing.  And used real words.

While it was still the cool thing to do, I read through every single blogger in the world's a few, just a few blogger's resolutions.  Very eeeenterestingk.

Some bloggers were pretty reasonable, like "buy toilet paper before I run out," and "wash my hair when it gets dirty."  My favorite: "eat and breathe."

But others were out of their minds.  Srsly, you're going to build a miniature version of the Great Wall of China out of Chiclets??

That would be impressive, actually. 

I used to make resolutions when I was younger.  They were usually a combination of serious, totally unattainable, and nonsensical.  I wanted puppies, more estrogen for the purpose of a certain focused development (ahem), and Brad Pitt.  Because for goodness sake at 16 years old what else could I actually need to make my life better?

Now that I have a little bit more life under my belt, and I don't mean that literally even though I am literally growing enough on my thighs to build another person, I thought I should take another more serious crack at this resolution thing because this time there is room for improvement.

But I'll do it a tad differently.

Of course.

Here's the deal: 2011-12 were not my best years.  No.  They were, in fact, my least favorite and if I wasn't trying to eliminate the negativity in my thinking I'd say they were complete crap

Were I not trying to stay so stinking positive I'd also say I must be doing something wrong and I should probably focus on doing the exact opposite this year because how much worse could I possibly do?

As in, pull a George Costanza and do the reverse of everything I would normally do.

But I'm positive now, so my official statement is: hey, just for giggles why don't I try doing everything I wouldn't normally do to see if that brings health and happiness to me and the whole wide world!

Why not, this could be fun:

Opposite Day Resolutions for 2013

Don't be lazy.
If you don't want to get up to do something you probably should be up and doing it.

Swear more.
2012 Stacie felt swearing was crude and should be kept behind closed doors where only a certain husband could hear and know he was in big trouble.  Not anymore.  Bring that sh** out.

Eat McDonald's.
Green beans and tofu will never compare, so why fight it?

Tweet fake rumors about Angelina Jolie.
Because you're still not over the breakup of Brad and Jen.  That was supposed to last forever Idon'twannatalkaboutit.

Stand up to foo's.
Tact, discretion: who needs 'em?  If that lady in the 14 items or less line obviously has more than 14 items let her know her rudeness is unappreciated.  Use swear words.

No make up.
Save time, save money.  You already have a husband and he's not going anywhere.

Move to Florida.
The humidity is good for curls.

Pierce something.
You don't want a professional office job anyway, plus the only time you really feel alive is when a cold piece of metal is shoved through your skin.  No, no wait that's when you really feel like vomiting, so never mind.

Consume adult brownies.
McD's will come in handy here.

Take up plumbing.
Because students are not being encouraged to pick up a trade in school and are instead shoved into college programs that some simply cannot handle.  I'm afraid there may be a real lack of plumbers in the next 10-15 years.

. . . .

That's my plan, I think it's a good start.

Here's to a ***** ***** *** ***** 2013, and Happy  **** ******** New Year to you and yours!!