Happy Birthday Katie-whats-her-face!

Here's something funny: today is my younger sister's birthday!

Wait for it, that's not actually the funny part...

She was born when I was four and we spent the next fourteen years under the same roof.  We've moved across the country together and because our family is insanely close, we've been around each other all. the. time. all. these. years. We know the kinds of things about each other only a sister would know....

....except for how to spell her middle name.

Yeesh, Stace.

Guilty as charged.  For the life of me I cannot spell it.

And I can't even pin this on my parents for giving her some wacky family name that's been passed down for some thirteen thousand years with, like, Js and Zs and Qs.  It's Nicole for crying out loud but spelled with an H and maybe the E but I'm not quite sure.

We laugh about it.

I think we do....right Katie??

Anyway, Happy Birthday sis!

Rod Stewart and candy heart distractions

My dog died yesterday.

Whoa, way to just jump right into it, Stace.

If you follow me and/or Corey on Facebook you got the play-by-play over the weekend.  It wasn't a horrific, painful thing.  Just sad.  And quick.

If you don't follow me and/or Corey those are probably the only deets you'll get because re-living the whole thing makes me curl up into a little ball of crocodile tears and snot and a lot of ugly.  Really ugly.  And right now there are a few puddles of water under my desk from the snow I tracked in so it's just not a good time to get all up under there, plus I already lost, like, four pounds from crying all day yesterday.

It was water weight.

So in an effort to 1) not talk about it and 2) distract myself, I'm going on a random streak.

Be warned, I have no idea where this is going:

There is a chair in the bathroom at my office.  I'm tempted to just have a seat and wait for someone to walk in and carry on as if we're both there to chat about our days.

My breakfast these days is a chocolate protein shake.  I take my shake into the shower with me.

I wanted to get bangs again, but I'm afraid that if I do it now everyone will think I'm on a Michelle Obama bandwagon.  Not that I'm against that, I just like to march to the beat of my own drummer.

With that said, I would hate to be a "groupie" of anything.  Corey's co-worker looks exactly like Rod Stewart and while we were together at the track a few summers ago I thought, "ohmigosh people are staring, they think we're latch-ons!!"  Did not like the feeling.  What I did like: using that fake fame to get right into a busy restaurant later on.

I don't eat potato chips.  But sometimes I do, and those times I'm like, "uggghhh why am I eating these, I don't even like potato chips."  And then ten minutes later I'm like, "ugggghhh why am I STILL eating these?"  And not long after that I'm like, "uggghhhh I just finished that bag and now I have a stomach ache!"

That just happened.

I don't write about potty humor here even though I'm like a 12-year-old and find it extremely amusing.  My thoughts on this: if I want people to take me semi-seriously as a business lady I should act a tad professional in my blog posts.  I mean, I'm still 100% honest in my (very few) posts, I just leave out the gas.

Even though I really want to tell you about the one night I was startled awake by a fart.  It wasn't mine.  Living with a boy has been interesting, and kinda smelly.

I have four mini holes in the shirt I'm wearing today.  It's only after I've been at work for a few hours that, oh yeah, this is the shirt that has all those dang holes in it!

Speaking of swearing, I kinda gave up on my New Year's resolutions.  You know, because I was looking for this year to be better than the last two and what with my dog dying I figured that puts a check in the lose column for 2013.  Geez Louise.

But I'm not talking about that.

Still fighting a potato chip ache.  But on top of the chips is now a milk chocolate/caramel heart my co-worker brought in for me.  It'll be a long day of digesting.

Do you watch The Bachelor?  Doesn't Tierra look/act just a tad (sarcasm italics) like someone else we grew to loathe?  *coughCourtneycough*  And I am disappointed in Kacie B.  Girlfriend was my favorite in Ben's season and now?  Oh Kacie B.

Don't watch The Bachelor?  Please disregard the above.  But you should watch so we have something to talk about.

That's about it for now.  I'm fixin' to have me a breakdown thinking about going home to an apartment with no wagging tail.

You don't want to be around for it.

Thanks for the distraction, friends!

Swearing in the New Year!

Happy New Year!!

Let all acquaintance be forgot...

Wait, wha...?

Oh, we're over New Year?

....we've been over it for a week now?

I guess that means I'm right on cue.

This girl is what we would call a late-bandwagon-jumper-on-er.  I mean, if that were a real thing.  And used real words.

While it was still the cool thing to do, I read through every single blogger in the world's a few, just a few blogger's resolutions.  Very eeeenterestingk.

Some bloggers were pretty reasonable, like "buy toilet paper before I run out," and "wash my hair when it gets dirty."  My favorite: "eat and breathe."

But others were out of their minds.  Srsly, you're going to build a miniature version of the Great Wall of China out of Chiclets??

That would be impressive, actually. 

I used to make resolutions when I was younger.  They were usually a combination of serious, totally unattainable, and nonsensical.  I wanted puppies, more estrogen for the purpose of a certain focused development (ahem), and Brad Pitt.  Because for goodness sake at 16 years old what else could I actually need to make my life better?

Now that I have a little bit more life under my belt, and I don't mean that literally even though I am literally growing enough on my thighs to build another person, I thought I should take another more serious crack at this resolution thing because this time there is room for improvement.

But I'll do it a tad differently.

Of course.

Here's the deal: 2011-12 were not my best years.  No.  They were, in fact, my least favorite and if I wasn't trying to eliminate the negativity in my thinking I'd say they were complete crap. 

Were I not trying to stay so stinking positive I'd also say I must be doing something wrong and I should probably focus on doing the exact opposite this year because how much worse could I possibly do?

As in, pull a George Costanza and do the reverse of everything I would normally do.

But I'm positive now, so my official statement is: hey, just for giggles why don't I try doing everything I wouldn't normally do to see if that brings health and happiness to me and the whole wide world!

Why not, this could be fun:

Opposite Day Resolutions for 2013

Don't be lazy.

If you don't want to get up to do something you probably should be up and doing it.

Swear more.

2012 Stacie felt swearing was crude and should be kept behind closed doors where only a certain husband could hear and know he was in big trouble.  Not anymore.  Bring that sh** out.

Eat McDonald's.

Green beans and tofu will never compare, so why fight it?

Tweet fake rumors about Angelina Jolie.

Because you're still not over the breakup of Brad and Jen.  That was supposed to last forever Idon'twannatalkaboutit.

Stand up to foo's.

Tact, discretion: who needs 'em?  If that lady in the 14 items or less line obviously has more than 14 items let her know her rudeness is unappreciated.  Use swear words.

No make up.

Save time, save money.  You already have a husband and he's not going anywhere.

Move to Florida.

The humidity is good for curls.

Pierce something.

You don't want a professional office job anyway, plus the only time you really feel alive is when a cold piece of metal is shoved through your skin.  No, no wait that's when you really feel like vomiting, so never mind.

Consume adult brownies.

McD's will come in handy here.

Take up plumbing.

Because students are not being encouraged to pick up a trade in school and are instead shoved into college programs that some simply cannot handle.  I'm afraid there may be a real lack of plumbers in the next 10-15 years.

. . . .

That's my plan, I think it's a good start.

Here's to a ***** ***** *** ***** 2013, and Happy  **** ******** New Year to you and yours!!

A Merry Humblebrag Christmas to you!!

If Corey and I had not been so wrapped up in fantasy football and jewelry prep, respectively, the following
would have been our Christmas letter to you:

credit: corey and his cell phone

Seasons Greetings to our family, friends, neighbors, work colleagues we like, senators, president, 

visiting dignitaries and bearded milkman!

Oh how this holiday season crept up on us this year!  We Lucases like to stay busy throughout the year and that means sometimes it seems as we're looking down at a summer Saratoga racing form 

three months go by and it's time to roast that holiday ham!

This year Corey was promoted from technical recruiter at his company to owner.  Of course this came with a 500% increase in pay which finally gave us the opportunity to buy that seven bedroom house on the beach in Puerto Rico we've been eyeing for years.  Spring in "the Puerto" as us locals call it ;) is absolutely magical. 

He also picked up his hockey stick and laced up his skates for the first time in two decades for a little recreational fun in the Saratoga men's league.  The NHL got wind of his reemergence and signed him to a three-year deal with the Canadians!  Obviously, this is just a part-time job.  His real passion is for web-based system development.

credit: same celly

Stacie has landed her first QVC special for her felted wool jewelry to air during this Christmas season.  Actresses Angelina Jolie and Helen Mirren have even endorsed her natural alpaca line which is now selling so fast she has had to hire local teens 

to do most of her felting.  But although she has more work than time, she still manages to paint murals on 

several of the city's graffiti covered buildings.

Oliver joined the Navy SEALs and is planning his first secret mission later in January.

Best wishes to all, except those work colleagues we don't like, for a happy and healthy New Year!

The Lucases

Mostly non-reflection

Blech.....

....ugh.

Anyone else at a loss for words today?

Like you can't find a way to say how you feel about what happened in Connecticut without diving into thoughts and feelings that are so painful because to really realize there is pure evil so close to home you have to go to a dark place where no one should have to go, especially this close to one of the best celebrations of an eternal perfect life.

Kinda like that.

.....

So be safe, friends.  I'll see you in a little while.

:)

Just another crazy dog lady

I'm a dog person.

A weirdo dog person; one who stops strangers to pet the iddy-biddy long haired chihuahuas they're carrying deep down inside their coats even if it means invading some serious personal space.

And I would expect the same if I had somehow managed to strap my 80 pound Golden somewhere onto my person.

Which I cannot.

I have tried.

Also as a dog person I allow myself to become as tiny as possible when I sleep so that my poor aging Oliver has room to stretch out on the bed when we retire for the evening.  After a few minutes of wrestling for position and covers and then fighting off nose jabs to my face we end up like this:

Oh the things we do for our D-O-Gs. 

Car accidents and colonoscopies, they go hand in hand

First I would like to say I did not realize how close we are to Christmas, not that this adds any additional stress, I just can't believe every single year it's like BAM.  Christmas is here.

Second, I got into a car accident last week and even though I'm fine I still want to talk about it.

And if we have time maybe we should start a dialogue on how I can transition better.  Mmmkay.

So this accident.  Yeah.  Last Tuesday I found myself hanging out on a telephone guidewire after someone turning left from the opposite lane didn't see me coming.  These things happen so fast. 

It wasn't a very complicated accident: there was a break in one lane of traffic and she tried to rush a turn into my lane.  I was right there so she hit me on my driver's side near my front wheel and pushed me right over the curb.  I was still going forward so I ended up on the guidewire.

Guidewires have a little more give than solid wood telephone poles; it was a soft landing.

We both were fine, I mean aside from our stomachs being lodged in our throats.

Those crazy nerves.

Our cars, however....no.  They were not fine.

Actually, I don't know what happened to her car.  She seemed to have some fender damage but I didn't stick around to chat about it.  I followed my car out on the tow truck.

It's funny how one second you can be driving along, singing your favorite Mariah Carey Christmas song, and then the next be sitting on the side of the road with your bumper clinging to life while you frantically dig through your glove compartment wondering why you didn't keep your registration and proof of insurance together so they'd be easier to find in the mess of fliers and napkins and receipts from your last four oil changes.

Fortunately, besides the obvious negative aspects of being in a car accident:

• $6,000 in damages
• horrible, horrible deductible to be paid six days before Christmas
• slightly stiff neck
• nervous that every car in the world is going to find a way to hit me

I have noticed a few positives:

• surprise day off the next day!
• Corey got my favorite pizza and two desserts!
• all of the mechanisms on one of my front wheels will have to be completely replaced, which means there is a 50% chance the squeak I hear from up front when I make right turns will be gone!
• I get new engine parts!
• my rental car has new fancy technology that lets me lock, unlock, and start without taking the keys out of my purse!

The whole experience was a little traumatic, it was my first real accident (I don't include my sister backing into me in the driveway or my other sister's clueless co-worker bumping me and then trying to tell her dad it was my fault), but so far it hasn't been an entirely negative experience.

If this is how I respond to nearly totaling my car I wonder how I'll feel about colonoscopies....