Minor change of plans

I've been thinking of doing a little re-branding of my bid-ness.

Like, I was toying with the idea of going from The Whimsical Crafter to

The Whimsical Crafter with Carpel Tunnel.

What do you think?

???

Oh, didn't I tell you?

Yes, my hands are shot.

I may be exaggerating, slightly.  But as of the last several weeks, I can't do anything with my hands.  Like felt, or string felt balls, or open jars of hot fudge.  Typing feels okay, but there's still this soreness that runs from my wrists to my shoulders so maybe that's not actually a good thing.

Dangit.

How could I let this happen?!  My hands are my part-time livelihood!!

And in the somewhat near future I had planned to employ them in a full-time fashion, churning out such money-makers as more jewelry, and artwork, and whimsical home decor, and cheeky greeting cards with your likeness in a caricature on the front.

I had planned to post a full step by step of what I do to make the felted wool balls I use in jewelry, but in short, and to explain how I rendered my left hand useless in texting while driving: my mode of felting is with needles.  This means after I wind wool roving into a ball I then stab it over and over with the needles for about 3-4 minutes.  No biggie.

The needles have little barbs that catch the wool fibers, tangling them and making the ball more dense until it's the thickness I want.  Like so:

Then I let my puppy jump up on the table I'm working on so he can grab a mouthful and run all over the house dropping little slobber balls every three feet or so, giving me the opportunity to start all over on what was supposed to be a bracelet.

See?  Easy.

But apparently all that repetitive motion is more than my hands can take and I'll have to rely on my revised back up careers:

Politics 

Just call me Governor Lucas.

Acting

With my skills I could probably land a role as dead body number 2 in Law&Order.

Pancake Chef

I like to eat them, so why not perfect them...and then eat them?

Personal trainer

Just because I can't stick with an exercise program doesn't mean I can't yell at other people to do theirs.

Professional waitress

People gotta eat, there's job security here.

Movie critic

Do what you love, right?  I love to watch movies and then say stuff like, "Ooooo that was good," or "nope, not a fan."

So basically, I have options.

Buuuuuut I think before I plan any summer fundraisers I'll check with my doctor about getting some fancy wrist guards.  Yaaaaay accessories...

Swearing in the New Year!

Happy New Year!!

Let all acquaintance be forgot...

Wait, wha...?

Oh, we're over New Year?

....we've been over it for a week now?

I guess that means I'm right on cue.

This girl is what we would call a late-bandwagon-jumper-on-er.  I mean, if that were a real thing.  And used real words.

While it was still the cool thing to do, I read through every single blogger in the world's a few, just a few blogger's resolutions.  Very eeeenterestingk.

Some bloggers were pretty reasonable, like "buy toilet paper before I run out," and "wash my hair when it gets dirty."  My favorite: "eat and breathe."

But others were out of their minds.  Srsly, you're going to build a miniature version of the Great Wall of China out of Chiclets??

That would be impressive, actually. 

I used to make resolutions when I was younger.  They were usually a combination of serious, totally unattainable, and nonsensical.  I wanted puppies, more estrogen for the purpose of a certain focused development (ahem), and Brad Pitt.  Because for goodness sake at 16 years old what else could I actually need to make my life better?

Now that I have a little bit more life under my belt, and I don't mean that literally even though I am literally growing enough on my thighs to build another person, I thought I should take another more serious crack at this resolution thing because this time there is room for improvement.

But I'll do it a tad differently.

Of course.

Here's the deal: 2011-12 were not my best years.  No.  They were, in fact, my least favorite and if I wasn't trying to eliminate the negativity in my thinking I'd say they were complete crap. 

Were I not trying to stay so stinking positive I'd also say I must be doing something wrong and I should probably focus on doing the exact opposite this year because how much worse could I possibly do?

As in, pull a George Costanza and do the reverse of everything I would normally do.

But I'm positive now, so my official statement is: hey, just for giggles why don't I try doing everything I wouldn't normally do to see if that brings health and happiness to me and the whole wide world!

Why not, this could be fun:

Opposite Day Resolutions for 2013

Don't be lazy.

If you don't want to get up to do something you probably should be up and doing it.

Swear more.

2012 Stacie felt swearing was crude and should be kept behind closed doors where only a certain husband could hear and know he was in big trouble.  Not anymore.  Bring that sh** out.

Eat McDonald's.

Green beans and tofu will never compare, so why fight it?

Tweet fake rumors about Angelina Jolie.

Because you're still not over the breakup of Brad and Jen.  That was supposed to last forever Idon'twannatalkaboutit.

Stand up to foo's.

Tact, discretion: who needs 'em?  If that lady in the 14 items or less line obviously has more than 14 items let her know her rudeness is unappreciated.  Use swear words.

No make up.

Save time, save money.  You already have a husband and he's not going anywhere.

Move to Florida.

The humidity is good for curls.

Pierce something.

You don't want a professional office job anyway, plus the only time you really feel alive is when a cold piece of metal is shoved through your skin.  No, no wait that's when you really feel like vomiting, so never mind.

Consume adult brownies.

McD's will come in handy here.

Take up plumbing.

Because students are not being encouraged to pick up a trade in school and are instead shoved into college programs that some simply cannot handle.  I'm afraid there may be a real lack of plumbers in the next 10-15 years.

. . . .

That's my plan, I think it's a good start.

Here's to a ***** ***** *** ***** 2013, and Happy  **** ******** New Year to you and yours!!

Newsflash: smartphones are pretty handy

"You never know a good thing until it's gone."

Someone said this.

I know, a lot of people say this, but someone had to say it first.

And for a very good reason reason: it's true.

So, so true.

I'll get right to the point, I desperately need my smartphone back.  Like a dope I gave it up for a simple talk//text phone early this year.  I felt I was too attached to instant email//facebook//twitter//Youtube videos of dogs in shoes and people being startled by things jumping out of them.

Seriously, so funny.

I was constantly wondering "ohmigosh did she get back to my email??" or "ohmigosh did anyone like my photo??" or even "ohmigosh what could all of my twitter friends be doing right this very second!?"

Everything is always "ohmigosh!!!" in my head, by the way....and occasionally out of my head.

So there I would sit at my desk, on the couch, In. My. Sleep, wanting to check my phone for updates.  It was too much.  I felt disconnected to the world and what was going on around me.  Super cheesy, but I really was addicted and I don't like to be addicted to too many things at once.

It wasn't hard to give up my smartphone.  I still had access to a computer and the internet most times throughout the day.  I never had pressing emails that needed immediate attention and I could almost always wait to see that picture of your cat on facebook doing that thing in the thing, hilarious.

But every now and then I would venture out by myself and wouldn't you know it something mind blowing would happen.  Like I would get humongous pancakes.  Or Oliver would pee on a political sign with absolutely no urging by me I swear.  These are the moments I had to learn to paint mental pictures of on facebook or blogs or in emails to people who know I tell tedious stories and still love me the same.

And that's fine.  I got used to it.

But that, I think, is negatively impacting this business I'm trying to grow.

I'm not talking about how I'm suffering from not being able to post pictures of the pile of vomit outside my office with a caption of "ohmigosh grossest thing EV-ER."  By not being able to bring my friends and customers and potential customers into my world and my day I'm neglecting that relationship (however one-sided, which is ok by me, I can just keep talking and talking and talking and talk.....) and my business.

Heck, half of the reason I don't blog or facebook more often is because I'm so frustrated I don't have pictures of those random moments in the fabric store where I swear that print looks like wieners, and how can I just tell you about something like that??

I can't believe I just wrote wieners.  Does that make me PG-13?

And twitter?  Same frustration.  I mean, not with wien....indicators, but other random events I can't share as they happen.

**sigh**

I tried to take a step back from this technology bubble but I'm going to get left out.  My smartphone day is coming (back) soon and when I have that sweet, sweet gadget in my hands....

....Imma get me a big 'ol write off baby!!

Hecks yeah.

My 70-year plan

I would call myself a grown up.

At least at 30 years of age I should possess some level of maturity in, well, all areas of life.

Like knowing I need a well balanced meal of meat, veggies, and milk shakes.

And watching scary movies at night is going to jack up my electric bill.

I keep the lights on to ward off serial killers and zombies, if you didn't follow.

And in the arena of what-do-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up I think I have finally narrowed down my selection.

Finally.

People, I would be very, very, very happy to make felted wool beads for the rest of my life.

I can't say that about too many things.  My attention span is the size of why does my office smells like cereal?

....

........

Where was I?

Yes, wool, my forever career.

But if felted wool beads were to become the most hated product on the planet I feel confident now that I don't need to be in some 9-5 desk job where I am connected to a phone and some cranky crankpot on the other end and that I can find some other way to create and make enough money to support my slight addiction to Essie nail polish.

And maybe help with our electric bills.

However, should I run dry on the creativity I always have my other career choice finalists to fall back on:

1.  Junior High art teacher

I actually went to college for this purpose.  Mouthy pre-teens are my forte, I find them hilarious.  However, after one semester with a very angry, small manly woman and another semester drawing an eyelash curler three hours each class for eight weeks I became a tad disenchanted.  I regret this decision often.

2.  Tour guide in Italy

While studying in Florence I found out one of our school's coordinators just picked up and left her home in SanFran to do her thang in Italy for an undetermined amount of time.  This greatly appeals to the hopeless romantic in me and I was actually trying to learn Italian when I met Corey just in case I worked up enough nerve.

3.  YMCA front desk worker

This is for a free membership.  Don't judge.

4.  Graphic designer

I would do this now if I knew how these blasted computers work.  But if I ever find the time to learn and a 12 year old to teach me, I would do freelance work for churches and non-profits.

5.  Food truck owner and operator

Specifically a breakfast food truck that serves cupcakes.  Breakfast cupcakes.  This whole food truck fad was made for people like me who can't be tied to one place for-ev-er.

...

See?  Grown ups also have Plan Bs.

But for the sake of 12 year olds, travelers, weight lifters, 12 year olds and people who like pancakes let's just cross our fingers that this wool thing is gonna stick.

Otherwise I'll never get this cereal smell to go away.

....and now it's Business Time. (serious face)

Here we are.  In September.

It came back again.

As it usually does.

And now is when it feels like the year should really get going.  Do you feel that?  Start the calendar over.  Today.  Hey....happy new year to YOU!

If you were to break it down:

Spring = party prep time.  "Honey, I really think we should book that thing at that place before everyone else books the thing, oh and do you want hot dogs in your mac 'n cheese?"

Summer = party time.  Camps and boats and barbecues and fireworks and trips to the emergency room and iced tea and bug bites and s'mores and burnt marshmallows and more trips to the emergency room.

Fall = business time.  Goals.  Financial reports.  Flow charts.  Where am I now versus where I should be...not even close?  Man that stinks. 

Winter = hibernation.  Three month siesta.  Sign your local "We the People for Sleeping Through the Winter" petition today.

I say no more of this April/May/June fiscal year end baloney.  That's business talk in party time; a time when discussion should be limited to how great stuff is when it's wrapped in bacon.

No, business talk should happen now.  In business time.  Are you liking how simple I'm making this?  And if we're implementing a new schedule I really should start us out with my own SJL Original goals.  SJL is going places, people!  But where?

Hmmm.

 

First things first, I need to get my activities organized.  Stacie needs herself one master list, on one master calendar that does not exist solely in her head.  She needs to figure out what she's blogging about and when.  What craft shows need to be applied for by which dates.  And for goodness sake when is meatloaf pizza night?!

We all have our creative fuel.

Second, I need to get my processes organized.  Ideas are free.  Wool is not.  Neither are silver plated toggles, dyed silk cording or stringing wire.  When do I buy what?  How much does this necklace cost versus that one?  Do I really have to pay sales tax?

The Man says I do.  Ppssshhhh.

And thirdly, if I survive number one and number two, I need to figure out where I want this SJL train to take me.  Am I going to Martha Stewart's house?  Maybe.  I think I'd like it there.  She has horses and dogs and stuff.  Or am I going to stay here.  In the capital region.  Felting as much as I can felt in one episode of Matlock but no more because I have other important projects to work on.

Of course, after I know where I'm going I'll have to start over and set goals to get me there.

*sigh* 

Goals are hard.  But you've probably heard the expression: if you fail to plan you make like banana bread and head out.

So....

I think I'm off to a good start, I already have one under my belt: 1A, refrain from speaking/writing in the third person never, ever again.

Score one for Stacie me!