A tale of theft, vomit and the Department of Motor Vehicles

Oh. My.

Run away, friends.  Run far, far away.

I'm afraid my streak of bad luck has reached its peak and who knows who will next be snared in it's gnarly claws of doom!!!

Save yourselves!!

Pure Luck: the Stacie Lucas story

I'm writing this as a weekend update, even though the weekend is far from over and we'll be hitting another one before I'm even ready.

I only just this morning felt well enough to go to work after a stomach bug hit me Sunday and left me flat on my back, unable to stand for even thirty seconds without severe stomach pains.  So here I am, on Wednesday, feeling like it's Monday, trying to get my whole self used to the fact that it is hump day and tomorrow will be the day before the day before the weekend, and....no, you're right, that really isn't too big of a hassle.

So before I ramble any further about something that has nothing to do with anything...

***

Corey and I have been in the process of buying a townhouse since late February.  As most homeowners know, these things take awhile.  You know, with the bank stuff and the title stuff and insurance and blah, blah, blah.  As most homeowners who are married to me now know, when I'm involved the whole process is excruciating.

Where art thou, Lady Luck?!

"They're not all like this," our realtor explained.  "This is the worst I've ever seen."

Great.  I'll try to remember that when I never, ever move ever again.

Our closing was scheduled for this past Monday afternoon.  It was originally set for early April but with so many additional requirements and lost (but later found!) paperwork we were relieved last week to finally have a set date to own our home! 

Everything was finally going to be over!  And done!  And we could pop champagne!  And potty in our new toilets!

Oh, ho, ho naive little ones...

This girl had to lose her wallet on Saturday.  Wait, no, I set it down at Coldstone Creamery and then someone swiped it.  But in my defense, I had to carry my ice cream aaaaand Corey's milkshake.  My subconscious made the difficult decision: dessert comes first, wallet must wait. 

I had money in my wallet, and credit cards, and my work ID, and my driver's license.  Annoying.  So, so annoying.  I canceled my credit cards right away.  And I fumed about losing my weekend garage sale money on a day when there was a ten family sale down the street.  Ten families, I said!! 

My coffee club cards were in there too, and I was this close to getting a free coffee any size at Coffee Planet.  I had big plans for that free coffee, a java chip frappe.  A frappe I said!!

Sigh.

So, my driver's license was gone.  And being a first time home-buyer I didn't know the bank would like to see it and verify I am who I say I am before handing over my house.  Imagine that.  So there I sat Monday morning in my jammies, immersed in Lifetime movies and a heating pad with nothing left in my stomach to, um, expel when I got the call from Corey.

Hey, you're gonna need your license...

Uh oh.

The next two hours was a blur of yelling, rummaging, running up and down stairs, sobbing at the DMV, and lots and lots of gagging and body cramps.

Go get a temporary license from DMV....see if they'll print a picture on the temporary,be really nice....wait, let's look for your passport....where's your passport?.....I think it's at my mom's house....call your mom.....mom can you look through my stuff?.....wait I found it....don't worry, mom, we found it, p.s. sorry you're sick too....oh no it's expired!....can we use it anyway?....no? CRAP....ok, go get your license....ok, I need to take a puke bucket....wait do you have your Purdue ID?.....at my mom's house....call your mom....mom can you look through my stuff?.....no time, go to the DMV and get your license....mom, forget about it p.s. sorry to make you almost throw up climbing up the stairs to look through my stuff....ok, where's my puke bucket? can you get me some water for the road?....is this the right application?.....yes.....my (sob, sob) wallet was (sob) stolen and I'm supposed to (sob, sob, sob, sniffle) close on my house in forty-five minutes!!....here ya go hon'....that's it?!.....that's it....Corey I got it....that's it?....yep, that's it....ok, um, you gonna take a shower?....yes....ok hurry.

I call that the Reader's Digest version.

We get to the closing four minutes late with my birth certificate to prove the picture on my expired passport is really me, my marriage license to prove the person on my passport and birth certificate is the new, married me, my Social Security card to show I'm documented, and my temporary driver's license just for the hell of it.  We crossed our fingers.

In the end the bank could not have cared less.  I'm sure they would have taken a kindergarten self-portrait.

Of course.

Of course!

***

So that, my friends, is the recent installation to the story of my no good, very bad luck.

It was nice knowing you, now run for the hills before I cause generations of early onset baldness or an outbreak of feline AIDS in your subdivision.

I work hard. For dog clothes.

You are going to be mildly impressed blown away by this post.

No, really.

I'm normally not too keen on wrapping up my weekends here, mostly because nothing happens besides the typical 30hr felting session//craft show//zombie movie marathon//remembering loved ones who have passed.  But this past weekend was just too much to not share.

Too. Much.

Day One: my very first auction.  I can't find the words...no I can find the words, I just can't arrange them into a sentence that conveys how exciting this was for me. 

Thank you bullets:

• I love junk.
• I love to repurpose junk.
• I love working for my junk.
• I love a good deal.
• I love old stuff.
• I love watching people.
• I love imagining why anyone would want German woodcut figurines.
• I love out-of-the-ordinary activities.

While driving home with my mom, my sister, our junk, and her 1860's drop leaf table she got for $17.50thankyouverymuch:

"Hi honey (this is my mom on the phone to my dad), we're just on our way home from an auction......Yeah, an auction.  Stacie dragged us to it......(to me)  Your father said that had you written all over it."

I may or may not have ended up with $13 in goods by way of a paddle-happy sister.  But in her defense she was sure I needed a gold framed oval mirror.

Also Day One: Mr. Oliver T. Lucas is now the proud owner of a brand new rain jacket!

He hates it, but we are hoping he'll grow to appreciate it on those days we would normally have to call off walks due to inclement weather (drizzle).

"Yay, Oliver has a rain jacket!"

"Yaaay....you do realize this means we have to walk him in the rain, right?"

"......oh."

One More Thing About Day One:  turkey sandwich. 

What?!  It was a great sandwich.

Day Two:  shopping and holiday coffee and nap and zombies. 

At the end of this day I had Christmas gift ideas, one shirt I don't need, another shirt I'll wear once this year, peppermint mocha in my belly, one hour of uninterrupted snuggle time with the dog, and my weekly fix of zombie apocalypse.

At The Very End of Day Two: banana split.

My current vice.  Don't judge.

...

Of course there was some work to be done.  Which I did.  Because those four necklaces, 13 baby headbands and acorn ornaments can't make themselves, am I right? or am I right?! or am I right?!?

And that brings us to Monday.

Aren't Mondays easier when you know there's an eatin' holiday coming up?

Is this just me?

Garage Sale Day!

"So there's this girl in my spinning class who.....wait.  What does that sign say?"

"What sign?  I don't see a sign."

"It says GARAGE SALE THAT WAY!!!"

Oh yeah.

Holla.

You know this is you.

It's me too.

I happen to be driven by the quest to find that one thing that may or may not be covered in varnish/ugly paint/melted popsicle/something questionable that can be turned into something I can mount on my wall/use as craft display/sit in closet for yet unknown purpose.

It makes sense.

And last Saturday I hit paydirt.  Six homes.  Five items.  Six dollars.

I can see you're speechless.

Allow me to break it all down for you.

Milk glass lamp.  One dollar.

I collect milk glass.  The good stuff is sorta see-through, which lets the light pass through and makes it look brighter.  But I mostly like it because I used to drink milk out of a set of glasses my mom had and I swear milk does taste better out of white glasses.

Old picture frame.  One dollar.

I collect picture frames.  Old frames.  Interesting frames.  And the best frames come from houses where the wife is preoccupied with selling little girl clothes and leaves the pricing to her husband who says "eh, gimme two dollars.....nah a dollar."

Natalie Grant CD.  Free!

Good, old fashioned worship music is never out of style.  And the owner of the garage in which I was browsing was more interested in spreading the message of Jesus than collecting the dollar he was charging for it and his daughter's old Backstreet Boys CDs.  Win-win.

Horse racing buttons.  Four dollars.

Corey has a shadow box nearly full of horse racing memorabilia.  I thought these two featuring the silks of Triple Crown winners (maybe you've heard of a little horse by the name of War Admiral, huh?  Huh??) would be a good addition.  And just as soon as we remember where we put the key to that box I'm sure they will fit in nicely.

Score for this girl.

"Now just keep your eyes peeled for another sign..."